I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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