People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
