I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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