I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
someone owes me an orgasm
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
