I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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