guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
