You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
