yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
