Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
