youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your cock deserves a montage
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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