I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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