VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've blown a few things in my day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
