He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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