you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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