this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
