he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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