I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
