and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
