If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
