girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
