I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
