i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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