I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
