I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
