so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
