Moan for me like Helen Keller
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's official drugs can't kill me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
