He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just pee around me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
