He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
