I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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