My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
