Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
