No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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