yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
