Sry I called you an 8
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
