I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
