how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
