Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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