She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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