fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
