omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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