so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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