I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
