i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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