Three words: puerto rican gang bang
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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