my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
