It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
