we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
do nipples grow back?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
