ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
