So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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