Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
