My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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