He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
