pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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