i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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